Malaysia Airplane by Laurent Errera

Groundbreaking new intel on the whereabouts of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 emerged this morning, as the nation’s 6th grade bullies announced their discovery of the missing airliner inside of your mother.

“You see, the airplane is really big, but so is your mom,” explained 6th grade bully Connor McPhee, who is often neglected by his own parents. “The most logical scenario is that the plane entered her via her fat butt shortly after takeoff.”

“I’m really not surprised considering that when your mom gets on a scale, she tends to look down and think it’s her telephone number,” continued McPhee, adding that he does not blame the incident on the otherwise ‘gay ass’ pilots.

While there has been no word yet on how exactly recovery teams plan to go about retrieving the plane, McPhee and his fellow bullies have generously offered to conduct the search themselves–but only if your mom is a MILF.