AOL.com Homepage Editor Mark Stokes was reportedly pleased to learn Saturday that an ailing Ohio couple who had been together for 70 years somehow managed to die a mere 15 hours apart from each other.
“Nobody forced this couple to die within such a short timeframe,” said Stokes, who is paid to find creative ways to spin others’ tragedies and misfortunes into web traffic. “That woman’s husband could easily have lived on by himself for many more years, but instead his body made the conscious decision to give up all hope. Sometimes you just get lucky, I guess.”
“I mean, 3 or 4 hours apart would have been ideal,” added Stokes. “But when it comes to coincidental deaths of elderly couples, I generally consider anything in the sub-24 hour range to be exceptional.”
According to Stokes, AOL had been on a bit of dry run before the deaths of the elderly couple. Things got so bad last week that he had to publish a stock photo of a chimpanzee hugging a baby rabbit, with a fabricated headline claiming the rabbit had been rescued by the chimp in a chemical fire that left both of the creatures completely blind.
Currently Stokes says he has his eye on a tip he received about a local mother who has allegedly discovered a shocking truth about Pillsbury cake mix.